Don't call it a cliche.

I'm so hungry. Why didn't I go to the grocery store this morning instead of lounging around? If I could talk to Seema from this morning I think this is how the conversation would go:

Me: Why did you not go to the grocery store this morning, Seema?

AM Me: I was busy watching 'What Not To Wear.' There was actually a dude on the show! They never have dudes! It was really refreshing, and the guy was so swee--

Me: OMG what is wrong with you?! I know we joke about it all the time, but when did you actually turn into a gay man?! Or are you a straight girl now? Have we come full circle? HAVE WE COME FULL CIRCLE?!

AM Me: I should stop drinking this coffee, huh?

Me: Are you mocking me?

AM Me: Hmm let's see. Are you talking to yourself?

Me: ...

AM Me: Why don't you just go to the grocery store now? I mean instead of sitting there...doing whatever the hell you're...I'm...we're doing. It's a beautiful day! Take a walk! Those eight crackers you ate two hours ago ought to hold you over.

Me: Well I was going to do just that, but then I got in this writing mood, which hasn't happened in a very long time, and I thought I should take advantage because, you know, this is one of the items on my list of things to do this week, and--

AM Me: But...

Me: --since I was being productive I thought hey it's okay that I'm kind of hungry and by the time I actually leave the couch I'm going to be starving--

AM Me: --right--

Me: --and all I have to eat is half a stale baguette and Tabasco sauce and some bleu cheese that was originally gorgonzola. Is 'gorgonzola' supposed to be capitalized? Like, is it from the 'Gorgonzola' region in Italy or something?

AM Me: Must...stop...drinking coffee. [Left hand wrestles cup out of right].

Me: Like I was saying, it's okay because indulging this intellectual craving is far more important than maintaining my physical health.

AM Me: Great. That's just great. While you're at it why not make yourself a drink, Mr. Burroughs?

Me: I don't like your tone. Also, I'm quite famished. Could you spare some of those crackers?

AM Me: What?! No! This doesn't even make sense anymore! Shouldn't you be the one telling me to get up and go to the store?

Me: Damn, you're right. I guess my hunger is affecting my ability to generate sensible nonsensical conversation. Okay I suppose I'll be off now. Right after I check Facebook...

AM Me: Nooooooooo!!!!

[End]